M + E = 3

Everyday I learn something about these babies that amazes me. Mostly, that I control nothing. I do my best to stay organized and I don't beat myself up about the things I don't finish. (Mostly because I am so tired I forgot they aren't finished anyway.)

The babies eat every three hours. I don't have to wake them to do this. They either wake up at the same time to eat or one very shortly after the other. The idea, is that to get twins on a schedule, if you are feeding one, you wake the other one to feed as well. Then you put them down at the same time and magically they sleep. Of course, that's not what happens. They both get fed and changed and then one needs another bottle an hour later.... the other has gas and accidentally woke himself up, or needs to be changed again, etc. As they've gotten bigger, they've started sleeping a little longer at night, but they never tell me when they are going to do that... so I can't sleep when they sleep, although, I try.

The other day, I decided that since Marielle was awake for the 2:30 feeding, I should wake Elias too. He was sleeping soundly but I figured if I fed them together, they'd both be asleep at the same time and it would be 3 hours until the next feeding. If I didn't wake him, he might wake up at 4am, off schedule and I'd only get a couple hours sleep.

Yeah... well, he didn't go back to sleep after the 2:30 feed. It was baby party time. We stayed up all night and I got zero hours sleep.

Last night, Marielle fell asleep in the bouncy seat. Elias was ready to be fed. So I fed him and put him in the crib and left her in the seat on the floor. She didn't wake up until the next feeding, 4 hours later and that meant we all managed to sleep for a 3-4 hour stretch. Awesome. Lesson learned.

And now, the reason you read this blog... baby photos:

I didn't know that little babies only breathe through their noses. It's called "obligate nose breathing". Apparently, they don't know they can breathe through their mouths yet. Or maybe they can't. Either way, a cold for a little baby is a bad thing. Not being able to breathe well through their nose also inhibits feeding.

First, Marielle gets the sniffles. A runny nose sort of situation which is assisted by saline drops in the nose and suctioning out her little nose with a small aspirator. (rubber ball with a nozzle on it. Works a little like a plunger.) We also spend some time on the bathroom floor with the shower running, having a steam. Naturally, this can only take place in the middle of the night. But after a week, it starts to subside. During this time, Elias picks up some small sniffles and I get their cold FULL BLOWN spending that week in between feedings, lying on my face on the couch, trying to figure out how we caught it, as we hadn't been anywhere.

The next day we are due to go to the doctor and I see that Elias has the sniffles worse than Marielle had it. He's laboring to breathe a bit and I'm suctioning him frequently, and he has more congestion than she had.
It's a scary thing.. to watch my little baby just a month old, struggle like that, and the saline and steam help him a lot. I have him sleeping elevated and that also helps considerably.

The following day at the doctor, she tells me gravely that he has RSV or bronchiolitis and needs to go to the hospital. Basically, what is a cold to you and me, is serious for someone a month old. I fear the worst and start to cry, then the babysitter, who does not speak English but who is enamored of Elias hears the word "hospital", sees me freaking out and she starts to cry. We take them home, I pack up and Elias and I go to the emergency room.

Pediatric emergency is a scary place and they actually put us in a room as this cold is something they don't want anyone else getting. Elias rests on my lap from noon until about 10pm that night, while various hospital employees come in and provide an oxygen mask (because he is so small it covers practically his whole face) and a little medication, and better suction than I can provide. All of this he takes in stride, largely I think because it's been a rather traumatic day and he is a little worn out. By 10pm, they decide we need to be admitted (the babysitter offers to stay over with Marielle so I can be with Elias)and we are transported to an "isolation room", arguably one of the nicest hospital rooms I've ever seen. Nicer than my first apartment in New York and I'm pretty sure, larger. And we are alone. There is a couch for me to stay over with him and it's pretty spacious. We're on the 6th floor in Pediatric and Labor and Delivery where I delivered Elias and his sister a month before is on the 7th floor. One of the nurses who works on both floors, remembers me and proceeds to get me everything one could possibly need that can fit in a large diaper bag. (Diapers, formula, wipes, etc.)

They monitor his "exchanging" on a machine, which measures his breathing. This monitor is attached to a little sensor taped to his toe, and he is given oxygen through a canela and occassionally suctioned by nurse who has a machine specifically designed for this. Like a little vacuum for noses. It's really hard to see this tiny person in his comparatively big hospital bed but I'm grateful I get to be with him. I'm able to breast feed and ensure he doesn't get dehydrated so they don't have to give him an IV. I think I would have passed out if that happened.

That tiny pile of blankets in the crib is Elias.

Elias takes really well to the supportive care they are providing and it's reassuring to know he's in such good hands. I leave the next day in the evening for a few hours to take Marielle back to the doctor for a follow up visit to make sure she doesn't have what he has and my heart hurts to leave him. He won't know that I'm not there, but I do. By the next night, they take the oxygen off to make sure he's stabilized and doing well without it, which he is, and our stay continues uneventfully. What I realize after waking to feed him every three hours...is how quiet it is and how relatively simple it is to feed him and put him to sleep. I realize, IT'S ONLY ONE BABY!!! I don't have to hope someone else is sleeping at the same time and I'm able to give him all my attention. For a moment, I marvel at parents with one baby and wonder what they do with all their free time. I wouldn't trade my situation for the world, however, I actually get to sleep a few hours at a time in the hospital, and it's great.